If you want to feel safer in your communications with others the first step is to learn how to observe without judging. Nowadays we treat every conversation like a televised political debate which we try to "win" by performing our point of view in front of some imagined camera. But there is no camera. You are alone with your experience and will always feel lonely in fact until you can be vulnerable about your deep wish to be seen and understood by others. That vulnerability requires not only that you learn to express your feelings but also that you learn to report accurately on what triggered them. When people say things like "Im angry because you dont understand me" they are being neither vulnerable nor true to their emotions because "you dont understand me" is a judgment not an observation. Being able to pinpoint what was actually said or done that caused your feelings to come into being is the only way to begin to use them to create intimacy rather than conflict with others. So today when you meet with difficult emotions take some time to observe what actually caused them to arise. Dont bend the truth even if you dont like how irrational or silly the truth makes you feel. And above all stop trying to justify your emotions. Your feelings are what they are there is no scorecard for evaluating them nor merit in arguing that you "deserve" them. There is only a very short time here on earth to strip away the layers of bullshit and get down to the essence of language which is only ever Please understand me.
#vulnerability #emotion #communication #safety #observation #judgment #language #truthfulness #mindfulness #meditation #love #truthfulness
1 hour ago